Thursday, December 3, 2009
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.. I've
been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last
straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
games. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
P.S. don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West
together! Have a great life!
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my games so much because they drown
out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
'You look just like a boy!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything
if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk dress: I turned away
from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was
a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets
to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason,
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as
Carla(woman).........I hope that's not a problem
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS"...and be ready for China .
In order to continue getting-by in China , we need to learn English the
way it is spoken.......................
Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to
understand the term "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...
The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel
guest and room-service today......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan
sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish
moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
Guest: "Excuse me?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin,
we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS' ......and you do, don't you! :-) :-)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
2.To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
3.The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
4.Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
5.In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.
6.All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
7.Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear
8.Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
9.If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
10.You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
11.Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
12. 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.
13.As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
14.He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
15.If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.
16.Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
17.When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions. Â
18.If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.
19.Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
20.You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
21.The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
22.After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
23.If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
24.Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
25.Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
26.There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
27.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
28.Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
29.Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
30.When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
31.Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
32.Well done is better than well said .
33.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
34.Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.
35.Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.
36.Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Today i got an ongc exam coming up..so i thought i mite just add a post about my feelings n the amount of preparation i put in...
Feelings-not feeling good bcoz i had a late breakfast, i had a sore eye when i got up which has cleared by now, had a very bad cold which is threatening to come back...and yes..about the exam..no tension at all..the reason is explained below.
Preparations-read through a really fat copy of footnotes from the start of a book for objective questions on geology(ongc questions, upsc question etc), touched krishnan, but didn't open it, whizzed through billings and parbin singh and then at last went online to check for any help with general awareness..here comes the big shocker, i checked some previous years papers...but the GENERAL AWARENESS was not that general..it was very difficult and i msgd the links to my friends who gave up any more attempts to study..thats pretty much the end of my study time..
Now its just any other exam...maybe i will prepare for the exam next year...actually prepare..will come up with post later this day about d actual exam..if there will be anything to write about it. c ya
Sunday, October 18, 2009
the best formula for a drunken brawl....Free booze+some more free booze+Young airheads n der u got it...perfect formula for a brawl..n den u got some ppl who like to take advantage of d drunks...like one of my friends..here is d situation...
Drunk person:'If i get a kt in my fy den u can give me 2 slaps'...n den he gets one slap from my friend..so he is back to normal halfway..no one expected d slap..but it came wit a flash n served its purpose...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The word is "only'
1 Only i hit him in the eye yesterday...(no one else did)
2 I only hit him in the eye yesterday...(did not slap him)
3 I hit only him in the eye yesterday...(i did not hit others)
4 I hit him only in the eye yesterday...(i did not hit outside the eye)
5 I hit him in only the eye yesterday...(not other organs)
6 I hit him in the only eye yesterday...(he doesn't have another eye)
7 I hit him in the eye only yesterday...(not today)
8 I hit him in the eye yesterday only...(did not wait for today)
this is the beauty of English language.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
here is a picture i had clicked coz i had no other time-pass...it is a picture of a scale model of an vintage Impala..i did not want to show d car's image to my friends as a toy but wanted them to believe that it is d REAL THING...so i cooked up a story that y uncle in goa owns a antique impala and he has kept it in real good condition...surprisingly most of my friends believed my story coz d pics were so brilliant..now i am not bragging or whatever..here r d pics..c for urself..i clicked d last picture just to show my friends the actual size of d car n c d surprised looks on their faces..it was worth the effort!
today was a really odd day..me n my brother went mall browsing and went through almost 6 malls in 2 hours without finding anything interesting, we were browsing for high end phones. Then at this mall called Anupam mall we found a soda pub..dis pub had some the regular orange, mango tango n d works...and dey also had some other flavors titled 'Ayurvedic' flavors..i really didn't bother checking out that list coz d flavor list which caught my eye (and every other alcohol lovers eye) was d list with rum, whiskey and fruit beer flavoured sodas!. we immediately tried two of these flavours, my brother had the rum and a bit of my whiskey too, but didn;t allow me too have any of d rum...so now i know how d whiskey tastes..but not the rum..not a big rum fan, but wana check dat flavor nevertheless. I will surely go der with my fukat group members...dey wont mind a trip to taste cheap alcohol substitutes!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Once upon a time an old man spread rumors that his neighbor was a thief. As a result, the young man was arrested. Days later the young man was proven innocent.
After been released he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him.
In court the old man told the Judge: 'They were just comments, didn't harm anyone..'
The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: 'Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.'
The next day, the judge told the old man: 'Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday.'
The old man said: 'I can't do that! The wind spread them and I won't know where to find them.'
The judge then replied: 'The same way, simple comments may destroy the honor of a man to such an extent that one is not able to fix it. If you can't speak well of someone, rather don't say anything.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
this is a mail i received..quite disturbing..so i thought i might share it with u ppl
Not sure, but I thought I will pass it on ....
Passing on some info. which you may or may not have heard before....
This is a warning to our Catholic friends about New Age Rosary. They
SHOULD NOT keep them. I know the following is true because my sisters
were in Medjugorje (pilgrimage) and they were given this New Age
Rosary for free. There are people giving these away for free on the
streets. A priest who is an exorcist at Medjugorje told my sisters to
throw it out right away.
Here's the excerpt of an email I received recently: One of the things
I must mention is that there are now going around in the world,
plastic new age rosaries in white, blue and pink. I had no idea about
them until this was mentioned on the trip. Upon arriving home I went
through my own collection of plastic rosaries and found 2 that had a
snake wrapped above Jesus' head with the mouth just besides his face.
Also, no INRI sign and I think it is pentagons that surround each
point. On the back, are also puncture marks of some kind on the cross?
Please remind everyone to look carefully for these. Maybe you are
already aware but it would be a good idea to tell Catholics what is
now happening. One priest said it would be OK once it's blessed but
another priest, whom I trust explicitly and who is a Marian priest
said even though it may be blessed, it has not been exorcised and evil
may still persist........ Yvonne
NEW AGE ROSARY WARNING
These rosaries have appeared on sale at pilgrimage centers across
Europe and are in most
cases are given away for FREE. They are made from cheap plastic and
come in white, blue
or pink, stamped as having been made in Italy, yet no one knows who
has produced them.
Since they are available at places of pilgrimage this makes people
automatically think they
are fine to use. Information regarding the danger of these rosaries
was given at the Marian
Cenacle in Limoges, France on 14th March 2005. Why are they considered New Age?
They are considered New Age due to their symbolism which is not too
easy to see except
by close inspection of the crucifix, which shows a very sinister
story. Behind the figure of
Christ there can be seen a caduceus, which is an upright pole,
between Heaven and earth. It is an ancient herald's wand which was
carried by messenger
gods like Hermes or Mercury. The rod is also a divining rod to measure
the earth and it's
energies of power. The serpent Satan is shown behind the figure of
Christ and is depicted
by a coiled serpent which means latent power, concealed but not yet
fully manifest, a
dormant power. It may also represent to Satanists that the devil is co
redeemer and co Christ etc. The circles on the crucifix are from
Phoencian, Baal symbols called the Pentagram, which is a major occult
sign. The circles or
pentagrams have five points, which represent, spirit, fire, earth,
water and air. The
pentagram at the bottom is upside down represents the devils goat. The
four circles with
dots in the centre signifies gold or the sun in alchemy. In general
the meaning is "The
resolution of all possibilities." Christ does not share any platform
with any other god,
philosophy or belief system or minor deity least of all Satan. The
depiction of Christ on the
cross is the most prominent place of worship, adoration, veneration,
Catholics and many other Christians and now Satanists or 'new agers,'
have placed Satan
alongside Christ. Some have even said that if these rosaries are
blessed, they loose any
negative power, however this cannot be assured, for it cannot be known
what curse, spell or hex has been placed on these rosaries, and what
do you think? There is some debate going on about this at the moment.
anyway Does anyone really want to pray on a rosary that depicts Satan?
What we need to be
asking ourselves who has made these rosaries with these symbols that
should not be
What do I do if I am given one of these rosaries?
If you are offered or given one of these rosaries break it and throw
it away that way it will loose its power when incomplete. There are a
small minority of UK suppliers who have bought some of these rosaries
and are trying to push people to buy them, I assume they do not
completely understand the seriousness of this symbolism. Also tell
your friends about these rosaries so they are aware of its dangers.
Why has this happened?
Over the years especially through the last century Our Lady has been
firm and very explicit regarding the power of the Holy Rosary being
the weapon against Satan, therefore would it not be fair to say that
the New Age rosary, is a sign that dark powers are trying to undermine
today was an entertaining day...mendicoat...map sections...lunch...n den ice creams...we were gona have ukala also but den decided against it..coz i mite end up in sumone else's house..
d reason i named my post's title like dat is bcoz like i mentioned before, me n one of my friends were workin on a section of a map- the "Isle of Wight"..these are century old British maps on which we gota draw sections for wat reason god only knows, and after 2 hours of grueling hard work...my friend decided dat d section wasnt gud enough..so he threw it away...but den thought dat..wat d hell and tried getin it bak...here is a pic i uploaded of his failed attempt of gettin d section back...which later i helped him get back.
Friday, October 2, 2009
The man mused for a few seconds and asked her:"And what will you offer this man in return?"
move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional
to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Friday, September 25, 2009
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
Three cheers for ...... hic hic hurray!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
This is some place that i have to visit every year..be it wit friends or family...recently i have visited d fair wit 2 of my friends..one who was whinning all d way to d fair..n d all d way back...n d other was busy gettin influenced by the former...n also gettin pakaoed halfway through d fair...it wasnt much of a big deal also..its d same every year...go for mass...roam about in d fair...den go back home...and if im wit family..buy some sweets...but this time we decided to try d giant/ferris wheel....and i swear dis was d first time of my life on a ferris wheel, it was great fun and when d operator started rotating d wheel faster, that was the time everyone was holding on for dear life!. There was this other operator guy who just jumped onto my friends pod and took a seat opposite him and he did this when the wheel was still spinnin, like what mr spidey would do. So i guess i found the Indian spiderman.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both..
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
Say two Hail Marys!...(dey got me also!!! ;)